Timing

I think it may be time. 

My husband and I have been off birth control for almost 2.5 years now, and have been having unprotected sex for the past 8 months.  Granted, sex has not always been regular or even all that successful, but I would say we've gotten at least a time or two in for each cycle since transitioning in June. 

At my appointment a few weeks ago, the doctor told me that we may have a hard time conceiving because of my irregular periods.  That hit me like a ton of bricks, and then I realized "wow...its been 8 months since we started having successful attempts at sex and I still haven't gotten knocked up."

When I reason through it (realizing that most cycles did not have very much successful sex) I can tell myself not to worry too much about having kids.  However, I also realized that when my husband finishes medical school, I will probably be 32 or 33 years old.  Not the ideal age to be starting a family when TTC is already an issue. 

Yes, we are not preventing pregnancy, but we are not trying either. 

Maybe we should be. 

Its obvious that the waiting till residency option is not going to work for us.  So do we really want to be having our first child in the midst of medical school?  Wouldn't it be better to have the first birth experience be before he starts, so that he can actually be there and experience the fullness of the event.  I'm sure its going to be an extremely emotional experience for him and on top of that, we are going to have to get used to the idea of having a family bigger than just the two of us.  Wouldn't it be better to have those major moments before classes start?

In some ways, we aren't pushing our timeline up by all that much.  We've been used to the idea of starting a family before residency for a while, and I had always imagined starting around the age of 28. If we get pregnant in the coming months, I will be 26 or 27 when I give birth. 

The thing is...its never going to be perfect timing.  And its only going to get harder to conceive as I get older.  Isn't it better to start a little early than wait and find out that its too late?

I wish I could discuss this with my family or someone.  But I don't really have anyone except my husband.  My friends who know about the vagnismus are thinking of kids in a couple years - but not quite yet - and I don't think either one of them will understand how my medical issues have changed my whole life plan.  They won't understand the difference between starting now and starting 2 years from now. 

I can't go to my mom or any other family because none of them know about this vaginismus thing.  So many of them are MDs or DDSs and they all waited till after school and or in the case of MDs, during their residencies. My whole life I've heard about how hard it is to have kids in medical school.  How they don't know why anyone would have kids during school.  I know they will love our child...but I know deep down, they are going to wonder why we started so early. 

But I'm getting ahead of myself.  The point is...it may be difficult - so isn't it better to get started early? 

Thus...I think its time.