It's not always about my vagina...

Sometimes, while working on overcoming this darn thing, I forget that there is life beyond overcoming vaginismus.

And on the other side of things, when I get wrapped up in the business of real life, I don't really know to fit tackling vaginismus into the equation.

We've had sex a total of 3  times this month, none of which were particularly easy.  I've been wondering whether this is a success or a failure until today when I realized, "who the hell cares?!"
Outside of vaginismus, the past few weeks have been crazy.  I took a major set of exams for my program, I found out my grandmother (who is 93) is starting to slip away, and I've slowly started to get my post-exam life back together (work, other school assignments, etc.).  My husband is in a very stressful place in work and school and its only going to get more intense until May or June. 

But for our families, for our friends...life goes on.  My husband and I are locked away in the cavern of our stress and studies.  While everyone else, to put it honestly...has a life.

My friend in the peace corps wrote a blog entry about self-care and I realized, maybe there is more to this then I've given credit.  I mean, I've known that its important to take care of one's mental and physical health, but I just didn't know how to fit it in.  I'm either stressed out dealing with work and school or I'm stressed out dealing with my vagina. I'm always feeling guilty for not working on one or the other.  But maybe that's the point about self-care...there isn't really a how - you just have to do it. 

So today, I am going to go water my garden and visit my grandmother.  She remembered who I was when I called, so that's a good sign. And I'm going to take advantage of that.  After work, I'll come home and deal with my vagina.  It'll still be there when I come back, no need to think about it in the meantime.  And tomorrow, I'll spend a set amount of time working on school stuff.  No more, no less. Today, I'm going to stop letting the guilt of having a never-ending to-do list hang over my head.  Today, I'm going to prioritize living.