And I chickened out...

I started this blog back in June and I was so confident, so hopeful that I could come "public" (albeit anonymously) about this whole Vaginismus thing.  But I chickened out. Not sure why, but I did. That seems to be the nature of the big V - try...chicken out...try...do a little better...but then chicken out again. I'm not proud, but then again I've learned not to beat myself up too much over failure.

So back in the saddle and we'll see how long I last, but the point is I'm trying... Right?

If you're wondering what has happened since my big success in June, here are the highlights:

That first week or so, I had lots of sex...almost every day. And it got easier every time. (side note: my trick was ice cream sundaes - every time we had sex, I'd have a small one. Even though sex was still a lot of work and not really pleasurable, I viewed that little ice cream as a reminder that someday sex was going to be totally AMAZING.) 

But then...dun dun dun.... I got a UTI. Seriously?! I mean I know it happens all the time for women after their honeymoons but you'd think after all I've been through I'd be granted a little bit of slack from having more vaginal issues.

But alas, it wasn't to be and I spent a good week or so dealing with that.

Then, came the big birth control decision. I'll leave the whole issue for a different day but long story short...no BC for me!

So period came and went, we got back to trying sex again (although a little bit more hesitantly - the time off for the UTI and period definitely took its mental toll). And then low and behold... Another UTI!!! This one lasting right up until mid week of our "Re-do Honeymoon." We did get some practice in towards the end of the week so I'm calling it a success (hey, I gotta take them where I can find them!).  

Anyway, that leaves an August full of travels, school and craziness...but we made some progress and now here we are in September.  Just finished my period and though I'm totally freaked out about trying again (I'm always afraid that it's not going to work after time off), I'm determined.  

This is a roller coaster journey, but ultimately, I think it's made me stronger, my husband stronger, and my marriage stronger. And when I put it that way, I guess I should look forward to the journey ahead.  I dont know if I can actually promise to "look forward" to it, but I sure can look forward to the woman I'll be at the end of it.

And maybe a little blogging honesty along the way will help...