New Year's Resolutions. I've always thought they were a good idea. In fact, I make seasonal resolutions. Summer resolutions (usually related to fitness), Fall resolutions (usually related to school), etc. Spring is the only time that gets a little left out, but I usually get my early summer resolutions in...working in my garden, etc. Sometimes I even make monthly, or weekly resolutions.... whenever life seems to be getting out of hand, I pick a resolution and a start date. It keeps me always trying to be the best "me" I can be.
Needless to say, this vaginismus thing has made an appearance at each of these resolutions for the past 3 1/2 years. As I've discovered more and more about how interconnected my body and mind really are, I've starting including resolutions about my state of mind. The result have been phenomenal ..I've had sex with my husband at least once a month, and sometimes a lot more than that ;-). My severe TMJ has been reduced to a minor irritation on most days, and when I am really stressed out and my jaw locks horribly, I have tricks to reduce the inflammation and tension. I've seen such improvements and I truly am blessed in how far I've come.
2012 has been the best year yet for these improvements - the TMJ, the vaginismus - this is the year I was able to do the impossible. I unlocked my jaw...I unlocked my vagina. This was my year.
So 2013...you've got a lot to live up to. But I've got some resolutions which will help.
#1a) Get in shape - our bodies and our minds are so connected...if 2012 was the year of the mind, than 2013 needs to do the same with the body. I actually did some good work in this area over the summer but lost it in the craziness of school starting back up.
#1b) Get healthy - the migraines, the constant struggle to keep weight on... I know, I know...poor me..but I'm serious. Its frustrating for my clothes to always be too big, and I can't stand it when my family and friends think I'm anorexic or something like that. Even if people can tell its stress related (my mom can tell especially), it still difficult to see them worry.
Point being...Now, is the time to get my body in healthy balance with my mind.
#2) Be kind to myself - I've got guilt up the wazzoo. Not that cliche Catholic guilt that we always joke about), but legitimate beat myself up guilt. Let's call it Graduate Student Guilt...that feeling like there's always so much more I could be doing. And it bleeds into my professional life - I want to give my everything to my students, to my colleagues - but realistically I can't do it all. This past semester, I took a seminar class with a post-doc (just graduated last spring) who told me eight words which changed my life. "You can only do what you can do." I didn't realize this before, but she and all my fellow graduate student friends are actually impressed by all I achieve. For many of them, school is their main/only obligation...they might tutor a student or two on the side...but not the hours or commitments I have hanging over me.
*Part of this second resolution is going to have to be that I cut back. No ifs, ands or buts....I've got a big test this spring for school and I need to put that first. I absolutely LOVE teaching, but my happiest days of the week are when I'm at my graduate school program and when I'm working on my professional endeavors (teaching is professional too...I just mean my non-teaching professional endeavors).
#3) More QUALITY hubby time - I'm so happy when I'm with him, but so much of the time all my obligations eat up my life and I'm too exhausted to be the wife I want to be. In 2013...my husband and I are priority number 1.
#4) Have orgasmic sex. Hey, I gotta fit this one in here somewhere. I'm still working on the no pain, no fear thing...but that doesn't mean that 2013 can't be the year that sex becomes AWESOME.
Alright...out with the old and in with the new. Gonna go to the store to get some food to make dinner and then we are going to celebrate the end of the best year thus far...and the start of one that is going to make 2012 seem pale in comparison. Happy New Year!
